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Robyn Bear knows firsthand the heart-wrenching pain of
pregnancy loss. She also knows how to help heal it. Robyn is
the founder of Pain-Heartache-Hope, an email support group
for those who have lost babies due to miscarriage, neonatal
death, SIDS, and stillbirth. She is also the indefatigable
force behind the establishment of Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Remembrance Day, (October 15th), officially legislated in 8
states nationwide, and growing.
Robyn’s story is both inspiring and compelling. Faced with
the grief from the loss of six pregnancies, she needed to
leave a legacy for her “angel babies”– and to help herself,
and thousands of other women, try to heal from unspeakable
pain of losing a baby.
While friends and relatives were initially sympathetic,
Robyn found that few people, other than her husband,
Russell, and her mother, Betty, could relate to the powerful
feelings of grief she needed to express. As Robyn began
writing her own story, she decided to create a book of
stories, written by women who had also experienced pregnancy
loss, as a way to move through the grief process and to
honor all angel babies.
“The book was the start of something much larger than I had
intended– but I didn’t know it at the time. I only wanted to
express what others were uncomfortable hearing, and what
needed to be heard. My heart led me to a place that I
needed, and that so many other women were desperate for, “
Robyn says.
That place was Pain Heartache and Hope, the title of a
collection of 75 heartfelt stories of loss, edited and
self-published by Robyn in 2000. Soon after the book was
published, Robyn built a website to promote it, and word
spread through bulletin boards and other loss groups. Within
weeks, all copies of the book were distributed, and hundreds
of visitors to her site read the book online, and had left
messages about how helpful it was.
Then Robyn had another idea. “I realized that there were not
a lot of resources out there for women to talk online, so I
started the pain-heartache-hope loss group, to give them a
safe place to share their emotions, with others that really
understood their pain,” says Robyn. Hundreds of members
signed on. Within a few months, Robyn launched the Trying to
Conceive After Loss group, and then Pregnancy After Loss
Group so that unique emotions in transitioning from grief to
hope could be discussed in a supportive environment. Robyn
monitors the groups herself and has moderators in every time
zone.
But Robyn wasn’t finished. By August 1998, she and husband
Russell had received word of the medical reasons for their
losses, and were trying to conceive through assisted
reproductive technologies. While she felt comforted moving
forward to try to have another baby, Robyn felt compelled to
do more to honor her babies, and the thousands of babies
whose stories she had come to know. “Wouldn’t it be nice if
there was a special day set aside to remember day our angels
and to honor the reality of this loss?” she thought. “I got
to thinking that I could make it happen, but I didn’t know
how. Of course, I didn’t let that stop me,” Robyn laughs.
Eager to meet her latest challenge, Robyn approached Lisa
Brown, one of the first contributors to the Pain Heartache
and Hope story collection, whose son Jackson was stillborn,
on October 15, (YEAR). When they discovered that October
already had been designated “Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Awareness Month” by President Reagan, they set on a mission
to get each of the 50 states to proclaim October 15th
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Together, Robyn
and Lisa wrote letters to all 50 governors and received 20
state proclamations before October 15, 2000, the first
official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
With recognition building, the women launched
October15th.com and recruited 50 volunteers to serve as
state leaders to achieve legislation for a permanent day of
remembrance in every state in the nation. To date, all 50
states have had yearly proclamations by respective governors
declaring October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance
Day. Arkansas, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, New
York, Rhode Island and South Dakota have permanent
concurrent resolutions making October15th a permanent day of
remembrance.
Robyn and the volunteers are now in the process of having
senators sign Concurrent House Resolutions to declare
October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
permanently in each state.
“We will continue to press forward until every state has a
permanent resolution, so that our babies always have a day
that can be just for them, and we take time to remember,”
Robyn says.
In March 2003, Russell and Robyn welcomed twin girls, Brooke
and Madison, into the world. Born three months too soon, the
girls spent three months in the hospital before coming home.
Today, they are thriving, along with big sister Peyton, 5,
stepbrother Kyle, 13, and stepsister, Niki, 11.
“We feel so grateful and blessed to have a happy ending to
our family’s story,” Robyn says. “But we will never forget
that our six angel babies are watching over us, and leading
our hearts through life’s important journeys.”
Written by: Doreen Fera
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Most of our Pregnancy & Infant Loss jewelry is created exclusively for Remembering Our Babies by Susan Mosquera of the My Forever Child collection. She is the mother of a son stillborn in 2002, and three living children. Susan has earned the Graduate Gemologist degree from the Gemological Institute of America. Susan creates jewelry and keepsakes using the following techniques: silversmithing, goldsmithing, beading, precious metal clay, engraving, and wax carving.
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